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(Source: arianazolciaksbelly, via afraid0flove)

My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh my god I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

People at my school: Ew your music is garbage. What is that shit you listen to? You're stupid.
*My music*
Asking Alexandria: I was meant to make you smile. I was meant to make you shine.
A Day To Remember: You're first a foremost, you're always on my mind. Through the songs that I'll sing, I'll give you my heart.
Bring Me The Horizon: Don't give up hope, my friend, this is not the end.
Of Mice & Men: You'll always be right by my side. To help me show hope to all that are lost and sick in this dying world.
We Came As Romans: I believe in me. I believe in you. I believe that we are not meaningless
Their music: ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass.